Maura's Honor
by Angel of Neptune
Summary: Maura said she would have been honored. Spoilers for 5x04 (Character Death)


**Title:** Maura's Honor

**Author:** AoN (bellalinguista)

**Word Count: **

**Genre: **Angst, Hurt/Comfort

**Rating: **T

**Summary:** Maura said she would have been honored. Spoilers for 5x04

The elevator doors parted, granting way into the lobby of the Boston Police Department Headquarters. As she stepped off, into the lobby, and past security, Maura lowered her head, casting her gaze to the floor, as she continued towards the entrance to the building, where she would find her Prius parked outside on the curb, despite the numerous warnings not to park there. Today, Maura needed a hasty getaway from work. With each step bringing her closer and closer to the door and to the still fairly chilly weather, despite it officially being spring, Maura pulled edges of her leather jacket together.

Just as Maura began to think she was home free for the afternoon, and the rest of the day, she heard her name being called out from the Division One Café.

Looking over her shoulder, Maura forced a small smile. "Angela," she greeted, turning to face her.

"You're heading off early," Angela commented.

"I wanted to give us ample time for the rest of today," Maura replied. As she did, Maura noticed Angela looking over Maura's shoulder, towards the wall that Maura did her best to ignore as much as possible now. "I really should be going – she's waiting for me," Maura quickly added before Angela could say anything.

"Oh, of course!" Angela agreed. "You know how she gets when she has to wait around. So impatient, that one, just like her mother."

A small laugh escaped Maura. Without a doubt, she agreed with Angela.

"But you'll be home in time for dinner, won't you?" Angela asked. "I'm making her favorite – Nonna Rizzoli's homemade gnocchi!"

"I'll keep you informed as the game progresses," Maura answered. "If it's a blow off, we will probably be home earlier than when I told you."

She saw the corners of Angela's lips tugged into a bemused smile, one that caused Maura a bit of confusion for she was certain she had not said anything that would have resulted in such a response. Angela reached out and placed a gentle hand on Maura's shoulder, squeezing it gently.

"A blowout, honey," Angela corrected. "If it's not a blowout."

"Oh… yes, that then," Maura murmured, now smiling faintly herself. "Well, whatever the case, we'll be in touch the rest of the day."

"Good," Angela said. "Tell her I can't wait to see her tonight – and not to fill up on ballpark junk food!"

**xxxx**

Before Maura could push the park button of her Prius, her passenger had already unclicked their seatbelt, thrown open the car door, and tumbled out. It gave Maura a moment to lean back against the driver's seat, to rest the back of her head against the head rest, and to sigh heavily as she tried to mentally prepare herself for the moment that would soon follow.

These trips, as infrequent as they occurred, were always emotionally draining and preparing for them always proved to be fruitless. Why Maura bothered to attempt to prepare was a mystery even to herself. The result was always the same, but Maura knew she had to put on a brave face for her.

Car now in parked, Maura pushed the power button and collected her purse before finally following after the ten year old who was weaving between tombstones. Maura, naturally, followed in a more linear path towards their destination.

Jane had asked her years ago, weeks after they had discussed their own final arrangements. Both had been… Both had been topics of discussion neither one of them wanted to become a reality, they had just been covering their bases – just in case.

Just in case was never supposed to have happened, but Maura found herself living in that reality: a reality without Jane, a reality where Maura could still clearly hear her dearly departed friend – she could still see her dear friend, sitting in the sidecar on the recently purchased motorcycle, just moments before it would collapse, but Maura could still hear Jane asking her, "_If something ever happens to me, you know, something serious… I would want you to have the baby. Now, would you… be willing to do that_?"

Almost immediately, Maura felt a lump growing in her throat. She bit down on her lower lip in an attempt to keep everything at bay. She needed to keep up the brave face, not for her own sake, but for the sweet ten year old girl – a near replica of her mother – who was now kneeling in front of a familiar grave.

_I would be honored_, Maura remembered answering.

Maura came up behind the child, her arms folded over her chest, as though shielding herself. The engraved letters came into view:

In beloved memory of

Jane Clementine Rizzoli

Mother Daughter Sister Friend

There was suddenly a tie knot in Maura's stomach, making it so much more difficult to remain stoic. Being the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, Maura faced death regularly. She was well aware of the nickname her colleagues had given her: Queen of the Dead. And she how many times she had told a curious observer or an uncomfortable person the reasoning behind her occupation? She was the voice of those who had past on. She had been comfortable around death. That is, until death claimed one of the few people Maura loved.

"Hi, Mommy!" the little girl greeted brightly. "Auntie Maura's here's, too! We both stopped by."

As the girl looked back towards Maura, Maura forced a reassuring smile.

"Ma, you won't believe where we're going," she continued, attention returned to the tombstone. "The opening game at Fenway Park, Ma. We're gonna see the Red Soxs play and our seats – Auntie Maura, tell her where our seats are!"

Maura felt her stomach churn and her heart skip a beat. In this particular moment, she did not trust herself to speak, but she had been asked. It would have been rather rude not to respond. "Just, uh," Maura struggled to speak. She cleared her throat and did her best to speak up. "Just behind the players. Um, behind the dugout."

"Behind the dugout!" the girl repeated. "Maybe I'll catch a foul ball or something – bet that'll make Zio Frankie and Tommy jealous!"

The child went on with her one-way conversation with the mother she lost years ago. Maura continued to hover, in silence, as she usually did during these visits. Maura always found it difficult to speak to a slate of granite. Maura never considered herself to be religious. What Maura did believe in was science and science had yet to prove that there was something, that there was life, after death. She wanted to believe. She wanted to believe that these words, that these conversations, were being heard, because every once in a while, Maura did catch herself murmuring a nearly silent _I miss you_. _I love you_. _I need you_.

"…then Nonna Angela's gonna make us gnocchi – they're my favorite, too, Mommy, so we can't really have anything at Fenway, but we're gonna split a hotdog, Auntie Maura and me," the child continued, but then came to a stop. "Auntie Maura-?"

Maura jerked slightly as she was pulled out of her thoughts. She blinked and then looked down. "Yes, Regina?" she asked in return.

"Do we have to leave? Ma wouldn't want us to be late, y'know."

"You are correct," Maura forced a grin. "Traffic will be rather atrocious…"

Regina turned back to her mother's headstone. "Ma, I promise next time we'll bring flowers and, uh, maybe even a fluffernutter sandwich."

"Oh, it'll attract ants-" Maura began, but when she met Regina's eye, she nodded. "I mean, yes, we will."

"I miss you, Mommy," Regina said, pulling herself up onto her feet. "And I'll talk to you soon."

Just as Angela had done not even an hour ago near the Division One Café, Maura reached out and gently squeezed Regina's shoulder, letting her know that she was not alone, that Maura was here for her, just as Maura had promised she would be. Regina looked up towards her with a smile before hugging Maura around to waist tightly. Without another word, Regina quickly let go and bolted away, towards the car, ready to tackle the adventure that would be the rest of the day.

Maura, momentarily, watched her before turning back to the headstone, before reading the name of the woman she wished was still here with them: Jane Rizzoli.

Eyes stinging, Maura's gaze fell down to the grass in avoidance, just as she had avoided looking at the wall of Memoriam at the Boston Police Department Headquarters where she could also find Jane's name, engraved in memory for her service and sacrifice to a job she would not have traded in for anything in the world.

"I miss you, too, Jane," Maura whispered quietly to herself, unsure if anyone was truly listening, before following after Regina.

**End**


End file.
